How many Religious Persons to Change a Lightbulb?

• Charismatics: Only one. Their hands are already in the air.
• Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb. Nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
• Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
• Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
• Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
• Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
• Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
• Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your lightbulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, threeway, long‐life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
• Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
• Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
• Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
• Amish: What's a light bulb?
• Fundamentalists: Just one. Any more would compromise the denominational standards of light, and the new one must be exactly like the old one.
• TV Evangelists: One. But for the message of light to continue, you must send in your donation today.
• Liberals: At least ten. They need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might want to use other forms of light.